how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Ladies don't puke and tell
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
