Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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