Just fell off a train. Bad.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Randomize