Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
