Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
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