i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize