Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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