U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
