Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
