No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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