Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
