Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
