i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
