I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
