What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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