I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
