u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
