it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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