You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
