I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Randomize