I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
