i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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