youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
