Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
