Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
