drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
