Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
