I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
