he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I'm just crazy horny about you
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
