dude i'm inner monologue high
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize