Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
