i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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