VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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