my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
