Already got asked if we're dating
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
