I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
The feeling are messing with the penis
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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