apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I can't trust your balls anymore.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
