my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
