Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
We are all done wearing pants today
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
