Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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