I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
