that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
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