i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
