I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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