Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
