I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
