Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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