party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
