What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize