I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
