I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
We're like a lot better than the average bears
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
