Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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