The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
what day is it and did you see me today?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
