my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
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