Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
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