I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize