so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
