We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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