I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
