Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
