I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
