he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
