well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
My brain says no but my pants say off.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
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