no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
