Rock
Scissors
Fuck
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Success! We fucked roommates!
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
