update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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